I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
