This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
