Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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