Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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