i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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