Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
