He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
