If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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