i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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