You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
