Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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