he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
