Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
