the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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