We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
