Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
