Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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