barbara walters just said penis...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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