My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
