um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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