Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
