You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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