I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think my moral compass just broke
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I forget how to act sober
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