Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
