i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
