Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
