I just saw a hot homeless man
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
