Ambien. No doubt about it.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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