Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
you never un-have a 4some
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
