Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
