I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
