i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
