Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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