you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
