I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
