I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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