Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
