I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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