I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
