His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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