porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
