Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
