last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
