You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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