AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
