I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
