I heard we made out
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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