I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
