I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
