There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
