Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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