i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
