You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
