but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
