i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
