I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
