Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
