My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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