But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
