i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
